The feeling of inadequacy comes from two sources: 1) A perceived deficiency of worth, and 2) the (a)belief that (b)what I have done or am doing is not increasing my value. The second source can be broken down into two parts: the belief and the action. I’m using the word ‘worth’ to mean the benefit of something's intended purpose, and the word ‘value’ to mean the actual benefit of a creation. For example, a creator creates an axe to cut trees. In a land without trees, the axe has worth - the same worth as it would have in a land of trees - because of what it's intended to do; because of what it could do. In a land of trees, being used to cut them, the axe has value - it is filling the measure of its creation.
1, 2a, and 2b all contribute to violence. I want to show how a sense of inadequacy results in violence, and persuade you that the greatest contribution we can make the reduction of violence is to increase a sense of worth and value in the perpetrator.
It’s painful to feel worthless. It’s painful to feel under valued. It’s painful to be under value. Combined, that can be a lot of pain. The deeper the sense of inadequacy, the stronger the pain. People will degrade, hurt, and murder others to avoid exposing the depths of their pain. Let's compare our worth to an earth. Let's compare our sense of inadequacy to a hole in the earth. 1 That hole is full of pain. We cover that hole with painted earth, like gauze over a laceration. 2 When our covering of pleasant pictures is threatened, we protect our pain with violence. Violence protects us by disconnecting us from others, thus reducing the future liklihood of exposing our pain. Violence can be displayed silently, by withdrawing, or overtly by attacking others, causing them to withdraw. Silent violence always erupts eventually. I react with violence to protect my apparition of adequacy and my pain. I protect the mirage because it protects my pain.
The pain from 1 and 2a can be eliminated just by accepting new beliefs. That means that 2/3 of our violence can be reduced without doing any work! 1) A creation realizes its worth when it knows the end for which it was created. We are children of God. God is perfectly loving, powerful, knowing, and He cares for us poignantly. He seeks our well-being, serves us, and defines these behaviors as His work and glory. As His children, we can can grow to become like Him. "As man is, God once was; as God is, man may be." "The most powerful Being in the universe is the Father of your spirit. He sees you as His child. He sees you as the being you are capable and designed to become. He wants you to know that you matter to Him." Consider the word matter. It is the word for our very substance, and also the word used to indicate value. With this word, God implies that our very substance has value. No one is worthless because we were all designed for something great. We all have value by virtue of our relationship with God. We are not spiritual orphans! True religious conversion is a great way to help with the pain of 1.
2a) Suppose the axe that was made to cut trees is being used to cut trees in a land of trees. He knows the purpose of his creation and he is doing what he was intended to do, but this axe feels like he is not cutting it. There is a tally board operated by management which tracks the number of trees cut by each axe. Other axes cut more trees than this poor axe. He doesn't recognize that the other axes cut smaller trees. He just thinks, "I'm an axehole." The distance, for most of us, between our perceived value and our actual value is vast. To appreciate our actual value, we would have to feel no shame or fear, and think no judgment or critique. We would have to adopt no negative thought or feeling. We would have to hold continually before our view a perfect undertanding of our purpose and how progress is measured. I have never met anyone who can do this. The balm for the pain of feeling under valued is in exchanging hurtful core beliefs and processes with helpful ones. We can begin to replace hurtful concepts such as perfectionism, judgment, and unreasonable expectations with concepts such as learning, appreciation, and contentment. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy is a great way to help with the pain of 2a.
2b) Our value is realized in a manner similar to Mother Earth's - by connecting with others and bearing fruit. We are connected to Mother Earth by standing on her solid ground. Her soil nourishes the fruits which sustain others' lives. We have value when our earth is round, full of dirt, and growing good things. When we feel and are inadequate, we tend to blame the weakness of others for its being, and use the flattery of others for a covering. When we blame others, we leave our shovel for the adversary to pick up. He scoops precious soil out from under our feet and allows us to paint our picture perfect world. As he shovels, we paint. The deepening hole increases our disconnection with others. They may stand on our fake soil for a time, but we are as far from them as our hole is deep 3. And people cannot stand on paint for long. They eventually fall through, and are promptly catapulted faaaar away. Flattery creates pretend value, by painting fake, plastic trees. This delusion is often described by using the word "pride". But, pride, used this way, is not the source of all evil, or violence; it is only accomplice to it. This pride's purpose is protection and console. However, receiving flattery neither fills the void nor heals the pain of non-production. It both soothes and entrenches the pain by reducing exposure - soothing with the pleasure of effortless reward and entrenching by decreasing the liklihood of being saved. The deeper we dig our hole, the more we decrease our value.
We realize our value when we have solid ground for others to stand on, and when we bear fruit. Soil must be present for others to stand on, and it must be worked to enable fruit production. The antidote to the erosion of value is the acceptance of reality and responsibility. Reality is received when one becomes honest. Responsibility is accepted by choice when one believes that man is his own agent. The two greatest contributing principles to the actualization of our value are honesty and responsibility. When reality is received, the painted portion of our earth dissolves. When responsibility is accepted, we scoop precious soil into our hole. It is our work to do (though God helps a TON). When reality is received, it becomes accomplice to creation. Out of soil things grow. Blame, by definition, is the relocation of responsibility. The scapeling of paint, and the shoveling of dirt, is the necessary work which brings value. 'Just doing it' is the best way to help with the pain of 2b.
Believing that I am a child of God, and can become like Him, is an easy pill to swallow. Who wouldn't want to believe that? What harm can come from it? Accepting that I am doing better than I think I am doing is a zillion birthday cakes. Accepting that God and His friends are here to help is getting your diaper changed: warm. soft. comfortable. Work is the only hard sell. When we heal from the pain of feeling worthless and under valued, we are more apt to accept the responsibility of work.
Why is this important? When we believe delusional pride to be the root of violence, as is common, we try to uproot it. Common weapons for shattering a prideful illusion include belittling, shaming, scorning, or even "beating some sense" into ourselves or someone else. When we believe a sense of inadequacy to be the root, and understand what it is and why it is there, we can reduce harm by eating and feeding good news. This gets us 2/3 of the way to where we want to go.
People waging battles without are losing ground in the war within.
2 "Your distorted perceptions produce a dense cover over miracle impulses, making it hard for them to reach your own awareness." ACIM 1-VII-1.
3 1 Nephi 14:3
